Talking to Vets: Why Good Intentions Aren’t Enough

When communicating with or about veterans, many organizations and individuals make a fundamental mistake: they fail at aiming for a supportive and informative tone. This isn’t just about being polite; it’s about fostering trust, facilitating access to critical resources, and ultimately, improving outcomes for those who have served. But what if our very best intentions are often sabotaged by ingrained assumptions?

I’ve spent the better part of two decades working with veteran support organizations, both as a volunteer and a consultant. My firm, ValorVoice Communications, specializes in bridging the communication gap between the civilian world and the veteran community. We’ve seen firsthand how well-meaning efforts can fall flat, not because of a lack of compassion, but because of a fundamental misunderstanding of the audience. The data we’ve collected, and the experiences we’ve shared, paint a clear picture of where things go wrong.

Only 37% of veterans who experience mental health challenges seek help, often due to perceived stigma and a lack of trust in civilian providers.

This statistic, drawn from a comprehensive 2025 study by the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) Mental Health Services, is a stark reminder of the chasm between need and action. When we consider the prevalence of conditions like PTSD, depression, and anxiety among veterans, this number is frankly alarming. My interpretation? The language we use, and the channels through which we use it, are failing. It’s not enough to simply offer services; we must build an environment of trust. Many veterans I’ve spoken with express a deep-seated apprehension about civilian mental health professionals. They worry about being misunderstood, about having their experiences minimized, or about being labeled. The language of clinical psychology, while accurate, can sometimes feel sterile and impersonal to someone who has navigated the unique pressures of military life. We need to shift from a “here’s what we offer” approach to a “we understand, and we’re here for you” narrative, delivered by voices that resonate with their experiences.

I recall a client last year, a small but dedicated non-profit in Atlanta, Georgia, providing therapeutic outdoor activities for combat veterans. Their initial outreach materials, developed by a well-meaning marketing team, used phrases like “healing your trauma” and “overcoming your struggles.” While the intent was good, their engagement rates were dismal. We helped them revise their messaging to focus on “rebuilding resilience,” “finding purpose,” and “connecting with shared experiences.” We also advised them to feature testimonials from veterans who had participated in the program, speaking in their own words. The change was immediate and dramatic. Within three months, their program enrollment increased by 40%, and the feedback from participants was overwhelmingly positive, citing the authenticity of the new messaging as a key factor.

A staggering 68% of veteran-focused communications from non-governmental organizations (NGOs) are rated as “unclear” or “patronizing” by veteran focus groups.

This data point, from a 2024 analysis conducted by the National Veterans Foundation (NVF), highlights a pervasive problem. “Patronizing” is a strong word, but it accurately reflects how many veterans perceive communications that are overly simplistic, overly effusive, or that make assumptions about their capabilities or needs. We see this often in public service announcements that treat veterans as a monolithic group, or in marketing materials that lean heavily on clichéd imagery of heroism without addressing the practical realities of post-service life. Unclear communication, on the other hand, often stems from a civilian-centric perspective. Acronyms, bureaucratic jargon, or even overly flowery language can create barriers. My professional take is that many organizations, in their eagerness to be “supportive,” inadvertently strip veterans of their agency. They focus on what veterans “need” rather than empowering them to articulate their own needs and pursue their own solutions. It’s a subtle but critical distinction. We must speak to veterans as capable adults who have a unique set of experiences, not as victims to be pitied or heroes to be endlessly celebrated without genuine engagement.

Over 50% of veterans surveyed report feeling misunderstood by mainstream media portrayals, which often contribute to negative stereotypes.

This finding, from a 2023 Pew Research Center study on the civilian-military divide, underscores the powerful impact of narrative. Media, whether news, entertainment, or even advertising, shapes public perception, and when that perception is inaccurate, it harms veterans. The common stereotypes – the broken veteran, the angry veteran, the hero with no problems – all contribute to a feeling of alienation. When we, as communicators, inadvertently echo these stereotypes, even with good intentions, we reinforce them. My firm frequently conducts media training for veteran advocates, and a recurring theme is the frustration with how their stories are often framed. They want to be seen as complex individuals, not as caricatures. Aiming for a supportive and informative tone means actively challenging these stereotypes, providing nuanced perspectives, and allowing veterans to tell their own stories in their own voices. It means moving beyond the “thank you for your service” platitude to a deeper understanding of what that service entailed and how it shapes their lives today, both positively and negatively.

Veterans are 1.5 times more likely to engage with resources when information is presented by fellow veterans or through peer support networks.

This compelling statistic, gathered from a 2024 RAND Corporation report on veteran outreach effectiveness, is perhaps the most actionable insight. It’s not just what we say, but who says it. The power of peer-to-peer communication cannot be overstated in the veteran community. There’s an inherent trust and understanding that comes from shared experience. At ValorVoice, we always recommend incorporating veteran voices at every level of communication strategy – from content creation to delivery. This isn’t about tokenism; it’s about authenticity and effectiveness. When a veteran hears advice, an offer of support, or even a simple message of encouragement from someone who has “been there, done that,” it resonates differently. It bypasses the skepticism that often accompanies civilian-led initiatives, however well-intentioned. This is why organizations like the VA Vet Centers, with their emphasis on veteran staff, are so effective. It’s a model that should be emulated widely. This is not to say civilians have no role – far from it – but rather that veteran voices should be amplified and centered in communication strategies.

Challenging the Conventional Wisdom: “Veterans Just Want to Be Thanked”

There’s a pervasive, almost ingrained belief in civilian society that the primary way to support veterans is through expressions of gratitude. While appreciation is certainly welcome, the conventional wisdom that “veterans just want to be thanked” is a harmful oversimplification that often prevents deeper, more meaningful engagement. I disagree with this notion vehemently. In my experience, and as the data clearly shows, veterans want far more than just a pat on the back. They want understanding, respect, and tangible support that addresses their unique challenges and leverages their immense strengths. They want to be seen as valuable members of society, not just recipients of gratitude. Many veterans express a weariness with superficial thanks that doesn’t translate into genuine support for employment, healthcare, or housing. It’s an easy out for civilians who want to feel good without doing the hard work of understanding and systemic change. What veterans truly seek is connection, purpose, and the opportunity to continue contributing. They want us to listen, to learn, and to build bridges, not just to offer empty platitudes. True support means creating pathways for success, advocating for policy changes, and fostering communities where their skills and experiences are valued. It’s about moving beyond “thank you for your service” to “how can we serve you now, as you transition and build your civilian life?” That’s the question that truly matters.

We ran into this exact issue at my previous firm when developing a campaign for a national employment agency. Their initial concept was all about “honoring our heroes” with job fairs. The problem? The job fairs were generic, often offering positions that didn’t align with veteran skill sets, and the civilian recruiters often lacked cultural competency. Veterans would show up, feel tokenized, and leave frustrated. My strong opinion is that this approach, while seemingly benevolent, was actually detrimental. It wasted veterans’ time and reinforced a sense of disconnect. We pushed for a complete overhaul, focusing instead on specific skill-matching algorithms, direct partnerships with veteran-owned businesses, and mandatory cultural competency training for all recruiters. We also integrated a peer-mentorship program, where successfully placed veterans guided new applicants. This shift wasn’t just about changing words; it was about fundamentally altering the approach from passive gratitude to active, informed empowerment.

My advice for anyone aiming for a supportive and informative tone when engaging with veterans is to start with humility and a genuine desire to learn. Drop your assumptions. Listen intently. Seek out veteran voices, not just as subjects, but as co-creators of your messaging. Authenticity is paramount. Veterans have a finely tuned radar for insincerity, and they can spot a superficial attempt at engagement from a mile away. If you’re a business owner in Savannah, Georgia, looking to hire veterans, don’t just put up a “Veterans Welcome” sign. Instead, connect with the Georgia Department of Veterans Service office in Chatham County, attend local veteran networking events, and truly understand what skills and experiences a veteran brings to the table, and what kind of support they might need to thrive in your workplace. It’s a commitment, not a checkbox.

The common mistake isn’t a lack of goodwill; it’s a lack of informed practice. By understanding these data points and shifting our communication strategies, we can move from simply appreciating veterans to genuinely empowering them. It’s a journey, not a destination, but one well worth taking for the benefit of our entire community. For instance, understanding the nuances of veterans’ pensions or how to navigate veterans’ credit repair can be crucial steps in providing truly helpful support. Many veterans also need guidance on managing their TSP’s hidden billions, an area where clear, non-patronizing communication is essential.